Letting go

My mind is foggy these days. It takes a long time to recall names of places and people. Maybe I should blame it on Covid or vaccines? There are so many blame games going on these days and it is hard to catch up with it all. And even if you catch up with it, the next one comes up. Is the world spinning faster for the young too or just for folks like me?

It is going to be one year since my Mother left this world and this can definitely be blamed upon Covid. Now she smiles at me from my bedside table, silent as always. When I lose sleep some days, I make her take trips with me as a child. They say you grow up finally when you lose your mother. Am not sure though. But she can still bring tears to my eyes like a child. Maybe out of regret. For all the times that one never had with her, thinking that she is going to be in this world forever. How stupid we are!!

But death is inevitable and one should not dwell upon it since this world is spinning fast. You keep listening to people asking you to grab each day and enjoy each moment. Do you? I try to. 

They say the trauma of death brings the rest closer to each other. I believed too, until I realized that some things can never be changed. It is best to accept and let go. 

Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than hanging on. – Eckhart Tolle

Memories

Realized it is more than a year since I wrote on these pages. Twitter stopped me from writing and now Netflix from reading. Yes.. silly justifications. But we are all human and prone to temptations and the real reason I am on these pages is something different. I forgot our wedding anniversary and realized that my mind is full and needs to be emptied.

There are two Asha's in my college whatsapp group and when I saw the anniversary wishes I assumed it was for the other but then remembered that the other Asha celebrated hers only recently. That is when I saw my name written. How did I forget?

My mind is preoccupied with various issues beyond my control. Daughter out of Covid infection but still showing some after effects. A visa which ought to have arrived earlier. A pain in the leg which refuses to leave my better half. 

Last night my mind freed itself and went on a trip elsewhere for a short while. My first visit to Kodaikanal was during my school days and with the local Lions Club members. A bus was hired and we had a lovely trip. I still remember stopping for lunch, the roads to Kodai that had a stretch of tamarind trees. Our stay was in a bungalow belonging to one of the members or their relative. It was way up on the hills and had a good view. We visited almost all the touristic spots and Kodai was a beauty those days. Suicide point, Coaker's walk and many others. Maybe one reason I remember this trip more is because my mother asked us children to write down about the trip. Probably my first travel memoir. 

My next trip to Kerala now has one more task. To find out the journal which has recorded our travel memories. Need to take a copy of all that is left of those wonderful childhood memories. 

It is a different world out there now with the internet and the facility to visit any part of the world without even moving an inch. For that matter, now everything is being done without leaving your chair. My son plays with the same ardor but only inside, with all his gadgets. I remember how he used to skip even his lunch to play with his friends while in school. All those lovingly packed lunch would be returned until I was forced to forgo it altogether. My daughter attends her classes while in her bed. Can hear the teachers with different accents giving the lectures. I engage in silly debates from people sitting God knows where, without ever leaving my chair.

Yes.. it is different world out there and sometimes we get lost.