Wednesday, February 27, 2008

This and that..

Indrani Ghose commented that we are back to slave trade and that brought to my mind the human trading that still exists in our modern civilization. The trading of grooms. Earlier it was the beauty of the girl that set the price but now the credentials of the bride doesn’t matter at all. Let her be beautiful, educated or whatever, only the groom matters. In Kerala, I think a Doctor (with specialization and not MBBS) still fetches the highest price. The only reason why some are willing to spend half a crore or more to secure admission to a medical college. But in the Middle East it works the other way round. The groom needs to pay for the bride which should bring solace to those in India!

The dowry system in India still remains the greatest evil to marriage. As it is, there is a growing hatred towards marriage from the current generation and some of them prefer to have live-in relationships instead. With the increase in income, they can afford to move out from their own family and live a life they deem is comfortable. I am not saying that marriage is all roses and honey, not when I sometimes feel like Jack the Ripper in my mind, ripping the head of you know who? But it is the best one for now, unless one believes that a planet like K-Pax really exists. I am sure some of you remember the movie starred by Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges. Prot, the man who claims to have come from K-Pax says that they don’t have marriages in K-Pax. They all belong to one big society or planet. One may father a child but it does not belong to him since the child will be brought up by everyone. It may sound great, but Prot himself points out that at K-Pax no one misses anyone. I guess marriage and later a family is all about looking out for each other. A baby sitting facility can never do the same job of a parent, how much strong the commitment is. In a family, you have your parents and your siblings to look out for you and care for you. You have that unique sense of belonging which only a family set up can give you. To get this and more if it requires a license from the society, then it is worth it. But the current society which includes me doesn’t have the patience to try out this system which has survived for centuries.

This also brings to my mind the growing impatience with child rearing. I know of many couples who have aborted their babies since they were either not ready or they have a first one and the second came sooner. They don’t mind spending their money on themselves but spending on their child becomes a burden.

Talking of abortion takes me yet again to female foeticide and I appreciate the effort done by Roop Rai at Unchaahi: the Unwanted .

Education is what we need against this evil.


  1. Thanks, hun, for the mention. I appreciate it. :) Also, thanks for your comments on the blog. I agree with you when you say that we need to catch them young! Education indeed is key for it's the only way self-confidence can be imbibed into women to think for themselves. Although ladies (of my mum's generation) in my family have finished minimal schooling (high school and some even bachelors), they are still strongly hard-wired to follow their husbands timidly. They don't think for themselves. I've often confronted my aunts and their answer simply is: "a good woman is who listens to her husband and maintains peace in the family." umm err of course, I didn't understand what they meant at that time. I still don't after getting married myself. Me and my husband share an equal-respect relationship. He doesn't expect me to follow him blindly to maintain 'peace' in our relationship. Why do my aunts believe that? Why do girls my age and even younger (in Indian villages and cities too sometimes) believe that despite having gone to school? It really amazes me. Perhaps this process of writing about it, seeking opinions from everyone out there who somehow holds this issue close to his/her heart, I'd learn and maybe come across a resolute solution as well.

    In the meantime, could I please request you to provide your input on the blog as well. I'd love for you to write an article and I can post it with links to your blog. My email is

    look forward .. and thanks once again. :)

    -roopie :)

  2. One comment and it really caused a rumble of thoughts in your mind.

    You covered several sins of the society and to tackle them you rightly said:
    "Education is what we need against this evil."

    Thanks a ton for linking to my blog.

  3. Dear Indrani:
    The idea of a child belonging to the Government is as old as Plato.
    Regarding dowry, marriage, etc., note this is stil a man's world and all men are wolves. The hubby is also a wolf but he keeps other wolves away. Living together sounds great but is really isn't. The guy will leave you the moment you have a child!
    Now that urban girls are getting good salaries, they should lead the struggle against dowry. Evolution is against women! Once a woman is in an advanced stage of pregnancy, she is incapacitated. And then human baby, unlike those of other animals, takes a very long time to learn basic things like walking. During these periods, the woman is hopelessly dependent on others! That is the time we men exploit women!
    If woman thinks she is happily married, she is obviously NOT liberated! Marriage is a process of continuous adjudtments and compromises. There may be transients during which we feel "happy'.

  4. roop: Thanks! as for an article, I normally write on impulse(will be at loss if I sit down to write something) but you may link to any of my posts if you find it okay.

    Indrani: thanks

    Manoranjan: woman incapacitated? in which society?

  5. my feeling is that sooner or later these things will change. i am sure that the dowry system is going to die off with economic prospertiy and as people have better opportunities. also labels like marriage for a relationship will vanish...but that does not mean there wil be a shortage of new evils..

  6. Maddy: Labels like marriage? Does it have to be that way?


Blog Archive